I've finally gone through SPM and life is, life is pretty awesome. I'm trying to make sure everyday I have after SPM is full and productive. I don't want to waste time. I want to have fun, or study for my license or just do something. Haih.
Just watched Breaking Dawn Part 2. I'm sorry but I think it was good. I guess cause it reminds me of you know, life. My life. Especially the memory/video montage of Bella and Edward. Edward Cullen looks good in this part of the saga by the way. Real good. And God. This movie just makes me feel like getting married, like falling in love. It just brings me back to last month last year . hmm . To what I had. Haha, it's so weird. I return home from the movie and it's still flashing memories of you, still the same. Still the same pathway, still the same. Just, not the same? I'm not sure. Nobody else would understand me right now. Nobody does. I just don't explain. I can't explain. How do I even? How do I explain this? I can't even explain it to myself.
I wanna fall in love again. I'm not going to for a while, I'm afraid. Heartbroken, I am but I'm healing so it's okay :)
However, my healing process isn't going so well if the bacteria is still attacking the wound, the scar, no? Do you know what I mean now? No, you don't but if you do, then I'm proud of you.
Haha, so let's see. Right now, I'm a hopeless romantic. Lol.Afina , you silly girl. Every girl is, aren't they? Haih. I just feel like singing right now. I miss singing so much right now. I wish I could share how it was to be in love but I can't because you can't explain this shit. Hahaha. Especially this shit cause this shit is some shit I've never ever been before. Hahahaha. Ugh. Cause every movie you watch, every song you listen to, every poem you read, you just think of one person because everything, just everything reminds you of the other person. Especially the shit I had to go through. Every road, every tree, every door, every movie we watch together . Haih, idiotic, I am. It was terribly painful a few months back. I had the urge to cry for every second. Now, I'm okay, the temptation to cry has lessen and decreased but I still am heartbroken. It's buried deep, deep inside of me. The broken pieces. I distract myself now, I just forget my heart for a while. I want these memories to fade and disappear. They have, maybe or maybe just hidden in some certain dark areas in my mind where I only take out if I look hard enough :)
I'm not sure if I'm regret or I'm glad.
I was definitely happy, though and people say, "Never regret being happy." But people say a lot of crap just to suit their stupid situations. There are billions of idioms which oppose and differ from another idiom from another state of the world. People talk to fit their cup of fucking tea, now don't they? Haha.
I've a lot of thoughts running through my mind lately. Thoughts on people, on the society, on stupid political issues and stupid wars and stupid reasons for wars. I think a lot on things I shouldn't, never on things I should. I dreamt of running away again, possibly a sign that I've been running away from my problems, lol.
I never use lol.
Goodnight, guys. Let's fill in December with greatness and joy. Screw the past 11 months.
